Mouth Shut
by Maetel
Summary: Fifth in the Insomnia series. No real Kunzite in this one, but it's time for Minako to come clean. Set after the SuperS portion of the manga, but before StarS.


Mouth Shut

"_It's useless to think about people who aren't here," she'd spat angrily. _

_It wasn't their fault. They'd been thinking of the three senshi who'd they'd aligned with only recently. They drew their inspiration from those who'd left them behind with a possibility of return. Meanwhile, her nightmares had been drawing on memories and inspiration caused by the one she loved and would never again meet. She'd been comparing herself to him and his example of the leader she once knew. _

_She really wasn't the leader she'd been when they met, and had to wonder just how he'd look at her if they were to meet again. _

"_I know I'm a sucky leader," she continued. "I'm weird, and I'm fine with it!"_

She sighed. The mood had only lifted slightly when she had gained her new henshin, but the thoughts of him never left her mind. Even with the strengthened bond between herself and Artemis, she'd not found true joy. They hadn't for weeks now.

She'd been fine until she had seen Luna's human form. Then the memories of the few times she'd trained with Artemis in his human form had sprung to mind. The sight of his long white hair struck a devastating blow for her emotionally and mentally as it dredged up images of Kunzite training with her during the few times that Endymion had brought them along during his visits to the moon.

Then after she'd thought him to have died because of her inability to henshin, she'd felt herself being crushed beneath the unbearable weight of guilt once more.

But then, the white hair fell, draping around her dangling form. For an instant, she'd let herself dream that perhaps Kunzite had returned. Then she looked up and saw the beautiful green eyes of Artemis and knew that it was time to give up on that dream. A life of love was not her dream to be attained. Instead, her life was one of duty and dedication to her princess. Not the dream she'd imagined, but one she knew she'd proudly carry on. If Rei could devote herself so completely to the idea of duty, then why couldn't she?

She'd known it all along, but had entertained the idea of a purely human existence for most of her youth. The idea was hard to release.

That was how she'd found herself sitting on the top floor of Tokyo Tower, thinking back over the life she'd led to that point. She looked down at her gloved hands, seeing only white. Contemplation free from the presence of Artemis and his pretty white fur.

The soft rustle of wings and the light tap of heels sounded behind the orange clad senshi.

"Venus, are you all right?" she heard Sailor Moon ask as the princess knelt beside her.

"I'm fine. I'm just thinking," Venus replied, shooting the girl a lackluster smile.

"Your heart is hurting. One look at you tells me as much," Moon stated as she let her henshin go. A spaghetti strap dress adorned her petite figure, highlighting the white in her blonde hair with dark shades of blue and pink. "What's wrong? Such deep thought isn't like you. It's more like Rei-chan or Ami-chan."

Minako sighed as she felt the powers of Venus fade, leaving her in a pair of denim shorts and a crop top.

"The past. The present…" she said softly. "I know I should be happy that the enemy is defeated. That the Dead Moon is gone, but I can't let myself feel the joy that you all seem to share."

Usagi tilted her head to the side, listening to the way her fellow soldier's voice trembled ever so slightly. Venus had always been the one to conceal her sadness. Vulnerability was a card she rarely if ever played. She couldn't afford to when it came to battle.

"I can't stop thinking of him," she admitted. "It's been over a year since Kunzite was destroyed, and I can't… I can't move on. I thought I was making progress, but now… Ever since Luna and the so-called Kaguya, he's all I seem to think about."

"What happened, Minako-chan?" Usagi asked, placing a soft hand on her friend's arm.

"When I was in England, after my memories were unlocked by Danburite… Kaitou Ace… He cursed me. I've told you that much," she started. "I started having nightmares. Well, they weren't all nightmares, but when I woke up to find out I'd just been dreaming, I wanted them to be. I stopped sleeping after a while. I went out at night, after Artemis went out to hunt. I went to one club and I met Kunzite there. One look and I was his. My heart belonged to him. The next time we met, I spent the night with him. It happened again just before he disappeared from England, to come here. "

She paused, forcing the hurt back down as she recalled the gentle touches he'd laid upon her skin. The soft whisper of his voice as he spoke her name. The way he'd called her beautiful. The way he'd given her hope that maybe her curse wasn't going to come true.

"The next time we met, he found me as Minako. He was going to take me to Beryl, and I had to fight him, as Sailor V. It was the same night I destroyed Zoycite. I thought that he was going to kill me for that. I thought he was going to kill me because he thought I'd seduced him to pull him from Beryl's side" she said with a soft bitter laugh. "Gods, if only. I was so close though. So close to having him back. He confronted me, and I think his memories were starting to come forth. I think…. I don't know what I thought anymore. Hopeful wishes of a cursed girl in love."

Tears spilled from her eyes, slipping through the tight control she was failing to maintain. "I was so close…" she sobbed softly. "He… I think he was contemplating leaving Beryl's side. Then he went back, and the next time I saw him… He was under her influence more than ever. He had taken Endymion and you were revealed… Then, we fought him one last time, and he was destroyed."

She felt Usagi's arms encircle her as the girl silently offered her a shoulder to cry on. She sobbed brokenly as the emotions flooded forth.

"I loved him so much," Minako forced out. "Why? Why did…"

Usagi stroked the flaxen locks of her friend, quieting her softly. This was a long time coming. Never had she imagined the secret the girl was hiding. All the time she'd been mourning Endymion, Minako had been suffering from her own loss. She'd never let it show though. Never gave a clue.

It was a few minutes before Minako was able to reign in her sobs enough to speak. She took a long shuddering breath before continuing her story. "Then I saw Luna's human form. I remembered Artemis' and it all came back. The way Artemis saved me during the Dead Moon's attack… When I couldn't henshin… I thought it had been Kunzite. I thought he'd come back to save me. Instead, it was Artemis, and I know I should have been happy because that allowed me to be stronger, but I never felt weaker."

"I'm so sorry, Minako-chan," Usagi muttered, stroking her friend's back soothingly. "I never knew. I never could have guessed." She sighed. "I never knew that you were in love with Kunzite then. I knew that you had grown close in your respective roles as leaders. I never would have thought that you fell in love so seriously."

"Because I never had," Minako stated. "Kaitou-sama said as much. And he was right. I fell in love with Kunzite and never got back up. I flirted and toyed, but never loved like I did with him."

The two sat in silence after that for over an hour. Usagi heard her communicator erupt in shrill beeps and answered it in hushed whispers. Luna wondering where she was. Well, more like Artemis harassed Luna until she asked Usagi if she'd seen Minako, the princess clarified a moment later.

"I left my communicator in my room on purpose," she laughed softly. "I just wanted to come here and be left in peace for a while. This was the last place I saw him. It's probably the only place I can remember him clearly from this life without going back to England."

"And after thinking that Artemis might have been Kunzite for even a moment probably doesn't leave you wanting your partner's presence?" Usagi figured after a second's thought.

"Shallow reason, hmm? I sound like Mako-chan, comparing him to an old sempai," she sighed.

"We all have our moments," the odangoed one admitted realizing that if Minako was up to making jokes, she was probably feeling more like her old self. "Would you like to be alone?"

"Not really. I just don't want to go back to my place. I can be alone with my thoughts well enough here," Minako stated.

"You don't have to be alone. I'm sure Mama wouldn't mind having you over. And I'm alone since Chibi Usa is spending the night with Hotaru-chan," she offered.

"Got any new manga I can distract myself with?" Minako asked with a slightly off smile.

"Always!" Usagi chirped with a nod.

"All right," she agreed. "Though you might want to okay it with your mother."

Usagi nodded and the two stood, deciding to take the long way down so that she could find a pay phone. Ten minutes later, the two were on their way to Usagi's when Minako spotted a poster boasting about the newest idol group to hit Japan.

She made a mental note to grab a copy of their CD the next time she was in the area. She may be in mourning, but she was the goddess of love after all. Maybe a pretty boy's face was all she needed to take her mind off of things.


End file.
